On hold

....sadly, I put my WW on hold this weekend.  I spent most of my time trying to keep Ed from thinking about his upcoming deployment.  I know he is trying to be strong for me but every now and then he shows some vulnerability and I can sense his uneasiness with the news of his deployment.  I can't blame him, he had a rough deployment the last time around.  I just hope he seeks help before leaving so that he is mentally prepared for what is ahead of him.  I was however more conscious of what I was putting in my mouth.  I know that I am going to have to watch my portions a little better, but I making baby steps.  I have to buy some running shoes so that I can get back to the gym. 

On Friday, Ed came home late because he got the news of his deployment and decided to unwind with his HM1, who also found out that he would be deploying as well.  They went out for a few drinks, got to know each other better and then discussed what was ahead of them.  On Friday, I was happy before he got the news.  I was excited because I got floor tickets to go see the Alicia Keys concert.  I have never had floor seats before...so I was excited about that.  Then when Ed said that he wanted to go out with the guys from work, I was a little bummed, but I rocked out with Bailey and that helped to pass time.

When Ed called me, a few hours later, he said he was on his way home and that he had some news that he wanted to share with me.  I told him that the anticipation was killing me, so that he had to share the news already.  Sure enough, he did...he is getting deploy in May.  I felt my heart sink into my gut and I literally felt as if I could not breathe.  OMG, not again. 

I guess my greatest fear is having to know that he is having a rough time out there and I am not there to comfort him.  I hate feeling like there is nothing I can do.  I felt so helpless the last time he left.  I wanted to crawl into a hole and not come out.  I can't do that though.  I have four kids depending on me to be strong and to hold the fort down until their daddy comes home.  I told Ed that when he got back, that would just be another excuse to take a trip to Hawaii and he smiled after that.  I guess it is good to keep him looking forward to something, right?

On Saturday, we had picture day at the dojo.  We were running late again, but what's new?  The kids and Ed looked good in their pictures.  I can't wait to see them.  I am so excited.  After all the wonderful picture taking, we went home and chilled.  The kids picked up the doggy poo and Ed cleaned the pool and the vehicles.  After Ed showered we headed out to Lakewood to spend time with my cousins.  That was a lot of fun.  Ed got to hang out with the guys and drink and I got to gossip with the cousins.  I was reminded of just how grown up we all were.  I hated to leave because I could see that Ed was enjoying himself...but we had a long drive and I was driving and I was getting tired, so we called it a night.

Sunday I woke up and there was breakfast.  Ed took care of some things in the house and we just chilled out and rocked out.  Ed and I took a nap to the music of our kids rocking out on rockband.  Nalani was bass, Bailey was guitar/drums, and Emily was singing.  I love my kids.  Conrad enjoyed sitting and listening to rock band.  Have I told you how much Conrad loves to listen to us rock out?  Well he does and it is so cute.  Oh and how can I forget, Conrad is starting to crawl!!!  AY!  He's growing too fast.  This week he will be seven months old.

I can't seem to get myself to sleep.  I keep thinking of Ed.  Please keep him in your prayers.  I know he will appreciate them.

The dreaded news...

He's deploying again and I am numb, it doesn't get any easier.  I guess because he had such a rough time the last time he was out there.  I just pray he is going to be okay.  This is the life of a military wife.

Eating habits

Wow, I didn't realize how bad my eating habits are until I actually took a good look at what I was putting in my mouth.  I really am a stress eater.  I realize that now.  It is kind of scary, but in a way good to know that it is something I can fix if I just keep addressing the problem.  I have been reading the wealth of information that Heidi has sent my way.  I really like the day menus, I think that will help me.  I was also looking up points on certain foods and was amazed to be quite honest.  I feel so overwhelmed.  I guess that is why people go to meetings, huh?  I wish I could.  So based on the menus I found online, I can do my shopping tomorrow.  I am happy because I can help my mom and Ed with their portions.

On other non-diet related news, my hubby took his first class exam.  I hope he makes it this time around.  I swear, you would think that with three back to back tours to the middle east, two of which in the heart of Iraq, they would consider just promoting him already.  That is what I hate about the military, well Navy...what if people aren't test takers?  Stupid.  Anyway, that's just my 10 cents.  Oh and don't get me started on the lousy vision and dental coverage (can you tell I just spent a whole lot on glasses for me, Bailey and Emily).  But I can't complain about the medical, it is what makes everything worth it.

 

Kids' news

Well, I forgot to say that I registered Mimi for kindergarten.  I just about died.  My baby is so grown up.  I hope she like Kinder, she has some separation issues, so I am not sure how she will fair.  I think she will be okay though.  She's an awesome little girl.  Conrad is moving backwards now.  Yup, he is mobile and that is scary because that means he's is growing.  He is his own person and I LOVE taking pictures of him.  I am so blessed.  Nalani has been having some health issues and getting blood tests galore.  It is a little frustrating, but I know it is a necessary evil.  I hope they find out what is causing her little tummy to hurt all the time.  Bailey is doing good, but still struggling with the whole attitude thing.  Not all kids can be perfect, I have to remind myself that.  I just wish working on his attitude wasn't so hard.  It is all about the dang stubborn streak.  UGH  Well, that is about it...for now.

Harder than I thought

Well, yesterday with all the running around I did, I didn't log what I was eating and did not eat things I should have and in the end not eating for most of the day really made me over eat at the end of the day.  So I really need to plan my  meals and then perhaps I will be more successful.  I have to start a written journal too so that I can keep better track of what I am eating.  I need to figure out how to calculate points too.  I know that will come in handy when I am really in this.  It is frustrating, but what I have learned from all my reading is not to be discouraged and that I will have my bad days and to be successful is to accept the fact that I will have those days but continue to move forward.  I need to remember that.  Anyway, so don't worry, I may have had a bad day, but I haven't given up just yet.  I go to the grocery store tomorrow, so I will be sure to plan my meals today so that I can buy the items I need.  Wish me luck!

Snack and dinner...

So this is probably where I mess up in my points.

Snack:

2 glasses of water

1 peanut butter granola bar (I am scared to see how many points that was)

2 handfuls of gold fish snacks

Dinner:

2 glasses of water

6 inch turkey/avocado sub ( had sprouts, mustard, lettuce, pickles, avocado, turkey, tomatoes, onions) I was good and did not get cheese or mayo.

1 cup of chipotle chicken soup

I will calculate the points tomorrow.  Heidi has given me good advice and I am going to follow it tomorrow.  I know this will be harder than I thought.

Morning/Lunch Meal

Well, I thought to start things off, I wouldn't calculate my points until after today, so I could get a good look at what I was really doing.  There is nothing like taking a good honest look at your life. Well, semi anyway.  Let's remember, I am a little more cautious of what I am eating, but I am eating things I think are healthy and don't carry a lot of points.  I will be sure to surprise myself when I do calculate the points in the end.  So here's what I had for breakfast:

*Yoplait Yogurt (Harvest Peach)

*One banana

*3 glasses of water

I don't usually eat breakfast, there was no toast and I was too tired to make eggs (would have to separate the yolks).

For Lunch:

1 bowl of beef stew and 1/2 cup of rice.  (I had about 1 cup and a half of stew that had about 5 bit size pieces of beef, about 5 carrots, 10 pieces of green beans,  four pieces of potatoes and broth)

2 glasses of water