On hold

....sadly, I put my WW on hold this weekend.  I spent most of my time trying to keep Ed from thinking about his upcoming deployment.  I know he is trying to be strong for me but every now and then he shows some vulnerability and I can sense his uneasiness with the news of his deployment.  I can't blame him, he had a rough deployment the last time around.  I just hope he seeks help before leaving so that he is mentally prepared for what is ahead of him.  I was however more conscious of what I was putting in my mouth.  I know that I am going to have to watch my portions a little better, but I making baby steps.  I have to buy some running shoes so that I can get back to the gym. 

On Friday, Ed came home late because he got the news of his deployment and decided to unwind with his HM1, who also found out that he would be deploying as well.  They went out for a few drinks, got to know each other better and then discussed what was ahead of them.  On Friday, I was happy before he got the news.  I was excited because I got floor tickets to go see the Alicia Keys concert.  I have never had floor seats before...so I was excited about that.  Then when Ed said that he wanted to go out with the guys from work, I was a little bummed, but I rocked out with Bailey and that helped to pass time.

When Ed called me, a few hours later, he said he was on his way home and that he had some news that he wanted to share with me.  I told him that the anticipation was killing me, so that he had to share the news already.  Sure enough, he did...he is getting deploy in May.  I felt my heart sink into my gut and I literally felt as if I could not breathe.  OMG, not again. 

I guess my greatest fear is having to know that he is having a rough time out there and I am not there to comfort him.  I hate feeling like there is nothing I can do.  I felt so helpless the last time he left.  I wanted to crawl into a hole and not come out.  I can't do that though.  I have four kids depending on me to be strong and to hold the fort down until their daddy comes home.  I told Ed that when he got back, that would just be another excuse to take a trip to Hawaii and he smiled after that.  I guess it is good to keep him looking forward to something, right?

On Saturday, we had picture day at the dojo.  We were running late again, but what's new?  The kids and Ed looked good in their pictures.  I can't wait to see them.  I am so excited.  After all the wonderful picture taking, we went home and chilled.  The kids picked up the doggy poo and Ed cleaned the pool and the vehicles.  After Ed showered we headed out to Lakewood to spend time with my cousins.  That was a lot of fun.  Ed got to hang out with the guys and drink and I got to gossip with the cousins.  I was reminded of just how grown up we all were.  I hated to leave because I could see that Ed was enjoying himself...but we had a long drive and I was driving and I was getting tired, so we called it a night.

Sunday I woke up and there was breakfast.  Ed took care of some things in the house and we just chilled out and rocked out.  Ed and I took a nap to the music of our kids rocking out on rockband.  Nalani was bass, Bailey was guitar/drums, and Emily was singing.  I love my kids.  Conrad enjoyed sitting and listening to rock band.  Have I told you how much Conrad loves to listen to us rock out?  Well he does and it is so cute.  Oh and how can I forget, Conrad is starting to crawl!!!  AY!  He's growing too fast.  This week he will be seven months old.

I can't seem to get myself to sleep.  I keep thinking of Ed.  Please keep him in your prayers.  I know he will appreciate them.