On hold

....sadly, I put my WW on hold this weekend.  I spent most of my time trying to keep Ed from thinking about his upcoming deployment.  I know he is trying to be strong for me but every now and then he shows some vulnerability and I can sense his uneasiness with the news of his deployment.  I can't blame him, he had a rough deployment the last time around.  I just hope he seeks help before leaving so that he is mentally prepared for what is ahead of him.  I was however more conscious of what I was putting in my mouth.  I know that I am going to have to watch my portions a little better, but I making baby steps.  I have to buy some running shoes so that I can get back to the gym. 

On Friday, Ed came home late because he got the news of his deployment and decided to unwind with his HM1, who also found out that he would be deploying as well.  They went out for a few drinks, got to know each other better and then discussed what was ahead of them.  On Friday, I was happy before he got the news.  I was excited because I got floor tickets to go see the Alicia Keys concert.  I have never had floor seats before...so I was excited about that.  Then when Ed said that he wanted to go out with the guys from work, I was a little bummed, but I rocked out with Bailey and that helped to pass time.

When Ed called me, a few hours later, he said he was on his way home and that he had some news that he wanted to share with me.  I told him that the anticipation was killing me, so that he had to share the news already.  Sure enough, he did...he is getting deploy in May.  I felt my heart sink into my gut and I literally felt as if I could not breathe.  OMG, not again. 

I guess my greatest fear is having to know that he is having a rough time out there and I am not there to comfort him.  I hate feeling like there is nothing I can do.  I felt so helpless the last time he left.  I wanted to crawl into a hole and not come out.  I can't do that though.  I have four kids depending on me to be strong and to hold the fort down until their daddy comes home.  I told Ed that when he got back, that would just be another excuse to take a trip to Hawaii and he smiled after that.  I guess it is good to keep him looking forward to something, right?

On Saturday, we had picture day at the dojo.  We were running late again, but what's new?  The kids and Ed looked good in their pictures.  I can't wait to see them.  I am so excited.  After all the wonderful picture taking, we went home and chilled.  The kids picked up the doggy poo and Ed cleaned the pool and the vehicles.  After Ed showered we headed out to Lakewood to spend time with my cousins.  That was a lot of fun.  Ed got to hang out with the guys and drink and I got to gossip with the cousins.  I was reminded of just how grown up we all were.  I hated to leave because I could see that Ed was enjoying himself...but we had a long drive and I was driving and I was getting tired, so we called it a night.

Sunday I woke up and there was breakfast.  Ed took care of some things in the house and we just chilled out and rocked out.  Ed and I took a nap to the music of our kids rocking out on rockband.  Nalani was bass, Bailey was guitar/drums, and Emily was singing.  I love my kids.  Conrad enjoyed sitting and listening to rock band.  Have I told you how much Conrad loves to listen to us rock out?  Well he does and it is so cute.  Oh and how can I forget, Conrad is starting to crawl!!!  AY!  He's growing too fast.  This week he will be seven months old.

I can't seem to get myself to sleep.  I keep thinking of Ed.  Please keep him in your prayers.  I know he will appreciate them.

The dreaded news...

He's deploying again and I am numb, it doesn't get any easier.  I guess because he had such a rough time the last time he was out there.  I just pray he is going to be okay.  This is the life of a military wife.

Eating habits

Wow, I didn't realize how bad my eating habits are until I actually took a good look at what I was putting in my mouth.  I really am a stress eater.  I realize that now.  It is kind of scary, but in a way good to know that it is something I can fix if I just keep addressing the problem.  I have been reading the wealth of information that Heidi has sent my way.  I really like the day menus, I think that will help me.  I was also looking up points on certain foods and was amazed to be quite honest.  I feel so overwhelmed.  I guess that is why people go to meetings, huh?  I wish I could.  So based on the menus I found online, I can do my shopping tomorrow.  I am happy because I can help my mom and Ed with their portions.

On other non-diet related news, my hubby took his first class exam.  I hope he makes it this time around.  I swear, you would think that with three back to back tours to the middle east, two of which in the heart of Iraq, they would consider just promoting him already.  That is what I hate about the military, well Navy...what if people aren't test takers?  Stupid.  Anyway, that's just my 10 cents.  Oh and don't get me started on the lousy vision and dental coverage (can you tell I just spent a whole lot on glasses for me, Bailey and Emily).  But I can't complain about the medical, it is what makes everything worth it.

 

Kids' news

Well, I forgot to say that I registered Mimi for kindergarten.  I just about died.  My baby is so grown up.  I hope she like Kinder, she has some separation issues, so I am not sure how she will fair.  I think she will be okay though.  She's an awesome little girl.  Conrad is moving backwards now.  Yup, he is mobile and that is scary because that means he's is growing.  He is his own person and I LOVE taking pictures of him.  I am so blessed.  Nalani has been having some health issues and getting blood tests galore.  It is a little frustrating, but I know it is a necessary evil.  I hope they find out what is causing her little tummy to hurt all the time.  Bailey is doing good, but still struggling with the whole attitude thing.  Not all kids can be perfect, I have to remind myself that.  I just wish working on his attitude wasn't so hard.  It is all about the dang stubborn streak.  UGH  Well, that is about it...for now.

Harder than I thought

Well, yesterday with all the running around I did, I didn't log what I was eating and did not eat things I should have and in the end not eating for most of the day really made me over eat at the end of the day.  So I really need to plan my  meals and then perhaps I will be more successful.  I have to start a written journal too so that I can keep better track of what I am eating.  I need to figure out how to calculate points too.  I know that will come in handy when I am really in this.  It is frustrating, but what I have learned from all my reading is not to be discouraged and that I will have my bad days and to be successful is to accept the fact that I will have those days but continue to move forward.  I need to remember that.  Anyway, so don't worry, I may have had a bad day, but I haven't given up just yet.  I go to the grocery store tomorrow, so I will be sure to plan my meals today so that I can buy the items I need.  Wish me luck!

Snack and dinner...

So this is probably where I mess up in my points.

Snack:

2 glasses of water

1 peanut butter granola bar (I am scared to see how many points that was)

2 handfuls of gold fish snacks

Dinner:

2 glasses of water

6 inch turkey/avocado sub ( had sprouts, mustard, lettuce, pickles, avocado, turkey, tomatoes, onions) I was good and did not get cheese or mayo.

1 cup of chipotle chicken soup

I will calculate the points tomorrow.  Heidi has given me good advice and I am going to follow it tomorrow.  I know this will be harder than I thought.

Morning/Lunch Meal

Well, I thought to start things off, I wouldn't calculate my points until after today, so I could get a good look at what I was really doing.  There is nothing like taking a good honest look at your life. Well, semi anyway.  Let's remember, I am a little more cautious of what I am eating, but I am eating things I think are healthy and don't carry a lot of points.  I will be sure to surprise myself when I do calculate the points in the end.  So here's what I had for breakfast:

*Yoplait Yogurt (Harvest Peach)

*One banana

*3 glasses of water

I don't usually eat breakfast, there was no toast and I was too tired to make eggs (would have to separate the yolks).

For Lunch:

1 bowl of beef stew and 1/2 cup of rice.  (I had about 1 cup and a half of stew that had about 5 bit size pieces of beef, about 5 carrots, 10 pieces of green beans,  four pieces of potatoes and broth)

2 glasses of water

The journey begins tomorrow...

There are so many times in life we come to a crossroad of some sorts.  Lord knows I have been to my fair share and here I find myself at another one.  I have topped off at my weight.  So I took the first step and reached out and asked for help to a very good friend.  In order to keep me responsible for this journey, I am going to blog it, everything complete with my meal choice, how many points I went under or more likely over.  But most of all I am being honest with myself.  Of course like every other crossroad I have ever faced in my life, I am nervous, unsure of what lies ahead but I have some very good guides coming along with me through this journey.  So I want to take the time to thank my friend Heidi for taking some time out of her super busy life to hold my hand through this.  I am taking this step to take care of myself, all my life I have cared for others, nurtured others, sacrificed for others, it is time to do the same for myself because if I keep putting this off, I won't be able to be able to care for anyone else.

So what made me wake up, the headaches are coming back and I have had Aunt Flo visit me 5 times in nine weeks.  My body's all messed up right now and I am the only one who can really fix it.

Stay tuned for the first day of my endeavor...wish me luck!

Oh the joys of having an infant...

 My baby was quite content on his new mat, smiling up at me.  I decide to take him and sit him up so he can play with some of his new toys when lo and behold my fingers are covered with poop!  Oh no!  You have got to be joking!  I turn him around and see that his poop has oozed out of his diaper and all over his back!  Gross and if I weren't a mommy of 4, then I would have died, but unfortunately I DO have experience in this department.  haha  So I give him a nice bath and he's all clean and happy.  He's growing so big now.  I look at his pictures and think, "Oh my goodness, he's growing up so much!"  Part of me wants to cry because I know he is my last.  I just have to enjoy every minute of it, even the "poopy happens" moments. 

Onto other news, the items from Ed's new venture came in today.  I am going to try them and see what they are like.  I know that the twist tubes that you can just put into a water bottle are really good.  I mean if I were to compare them top something, it would have to be Propel.  The best part is that it comes with either an immunity boost, or antioxidants, or even joint...not bad, if you ask me.  I wonder what the energy drinks will be like.  I will let you know once I taste them, but according to Ed, they are pretty good.

Crazy weekend

Why is it when you have four kids, your weeks start to fly by and weekends become such a blur?  If anyone can give me a remedy for this, please do share with me because I feel like my life is in fast forward these days and and is quite scary to be completely honest with you.

So let's begin with Friday.  On Friday, my two older children were scheduled to test for their purple belts in karate.  They have been waiting for this day for quite a long time and I knew they were so excited to get it over and done with.  My son even gave up playing baseball, a sport he has thoroughly enjoyed since he was six years old.  I know it was a hard decision for him to make, but I am proud that he knew his limitations and committed to one sport.  This is the first time that they had to test during the afternoon, it is usually held on a Saturday morning, so I was a little nervous.  I had to make my daughter take a nap before her testing, she is seven years old and does not function well when she is tired.  Since it was a few hours after school, it was perfect for her to take a nap.  I am glad she did because SHE ROCKED!  My son Bailey was amazing as well.  I am so proud of the kids!!

After the kids tested for their purple belts, my husband tested for his blue belt.  I was so proud of him because he was so sharp on that floor and he really knew his stuff.  He's so amazing.  I am glad he is able to do martial arts with the kids.  I know it means a lot for the kids to be able to do karate with him.  It is the one thing they can do together and share.  My husband has also has made some awesome friends through karate.  So I really can't complain all that much.  So yes, my KIDS and HUSBAND ROCKED!  I am so proud of them.

On Saturday, we chose to support our friends, extended family really, during their demonstration at the opening day for the local baseball organization.  I was so impressed with everyone that performed.  They were all so good.  Ed got to do a demonstration for karate and that was pretty cool to watch.  I really enjoyed watching the girls do their dance thing.  That was pretty awesome.  It was a very cold and blustery day, if you ask me.  I wouldn't want to be there if I were any sane person, but I think I may have lost my sanity with the birth of my my first born.  haha  I kid, I kid, but I probably have lost a little bit with each passing year as a mom.  Don't get me wrong, I love motherhood, it just takes a lot to be a mother.  That is why I no longer take my mother for granted.

Later in the evening, we spent a few hours watching the UFC fight with Sensei and his wonderful family.  It was nice to have an adult outing.  My mom watched the kids and our friends' little boy.  She said she didn't mind.  I think she sees my sanity slipping.  Have I told you guys how much I love my mom?  Well, I love her with all my heart.  She is an inspiration beyond measure!

Today we did nothing but clean up and shop at Costco.  I love Costco, it makes a ton of money off of me but they have such great deals.  I just can't pass it up!  We had to buy a whole bunch of food, the baby's formula (I bought two cans this time because subsequent visits to Costco will make me buy more, so I try to limit my visits there), but mostly snacks for the kids, veggies and fruits.  I came back home, made dinner and did laundry.  SO MUCH LAUNDRY!  Tomorrow I must tackle the task of fixing my room...yes, my tornado struck room.